Kangaroo Shoe Polish

Fairly nerdy, exhaustedly perfect

By all accounts, we shouldn’t like the California State Fair .

Launched in 1859, the fair has been held at its current Cal Expo location since 1968 and embodies everything that is crazy-making: large, loud crowds; oppressive heat; an overabundance of insanely unhealthy foods ; rides that make us sick; and pushy sales people hawking overpriced, overrated gadgets.

And yet we can’t stay away.

And so for the second time in a week we made our way through the annual celebration of all that is fried , sweaty , raucous and just plain wrong.

Joined by four other friends—the fair is enjoyed roaming in packs—we committed to the usual agenda: cute animals , food and booze, people watching and the requisite photo-booth trip.

Arriving just after 6:30 p.m., we beeline it to the food court, trying to decide on various fair delicacies as the sun beat down upon our necks.

Ignoring the deep fried Kool-Aid balls and chocolate-covered bacon , we start out healthy: roasted corn, sprinkled with lime juice and Cajun seasoning. Naturally sweet, it subscribes to the anything-and-everything-on-a-stick fair ethos.

Still, it’s a little nerdy to go to the state fair and not indulge in something decadent.

And so it doesn’t take long to track down the wine slushies . Tucked somewhere between Big Bugs exhibit and Kangaroo Joey’s Big Adventure, the girls order the blackberry merlot concoctions—rich wine paired with fruit, frozen and blended into a convenience-store-worthy sweet treat. If only it came in a Big Gulp. Soon after, the boys order strong beers and, armed with icy goodness, we meander through exhibits, squealing with joy over baby kangaroos, emus and majestic, rainbow-hued birds.

From there we hit the exhibition halls—that unholy alliance of bright lights, shuffling crowds and gaudy As Seen on TV products. Here, we gamely make our way past the Vitamix blenders and laser teeth-cleaning lamps, Bedazzled baby tees and shoe polish, “hotel quality” sheets and iron-on heavy-metal patches.

The trick to the expo halls: Avoid eye contact with vendors at all costs. Perchance eyes should meet, souls are sucked and wallets drained.

The need for food strikes again. This time healthy aspirations are abandoned in favor of something—anything—fried.

What is the best way to get a mirror finish shine to military/ law ...

Cotton balls, moistened with water and a little kiwi polish works great. I screwed up in boot camp and let some of my shipmates do a quick job on my boots with the sponge applicator stuff because I never had time to shine like they did. But they spent hours doing the cotton ball shine and their’s came out with the mirror finish. Now, I try to shine mine with cottonballs and it doesn’t look any different. So don’t put a bunch of crap on your boots for an easy fix. Spend the time and cotton ball maintenance is easy. From what I hear, you just need a wet cottonball to keep them shiny….or buy patent leather boots!

What I did with my old boots may sound weird, but it will turn out looking amazing.

I had some Parade polish, 2 cotton balls, water, and a lighter. First, knock off all the dust on the boot with the brush. Next, get a damp cotton ball and polish the boot up. Then, take the lighter and warm up the wax/polish just a little bit. This will take some finesse because you don’t want to burn the polish. After it changes it’s color slightly and doesn’t look shiney anymore, take the second second cotton ball with a little less water on it and only a hint of black polish and use it to buff the areas.

Then you just lather, rinse, repeat.

I could do that and after about 5-10 full coats, it would look like someone spent 5hrs on the boots. After a while, you can get them to look like patent leather just with a build up of polish.

Kangaroo, images through the ages

Annual report of the Commissioner of Patents

Congressional serial set

1897 Sears Roebuck & Co. Catalogue

Kenya Gazette